Things We Learn From Our Children

A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

A 6 year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Children in the backseat cause accidents, accidents in the backseat cause children.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

If you use a water bed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

Super glue is forever.

The fire department in Dallas has at least a 5-minute response time.

The first anger of Christmas morning: Batteries not included.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy.

There is no such thing as childproofing your house.

VCR's do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.