Ten years ago, an engagement ring was placed on my left hand.
I had decided to marry a man with whom I'd felt was generally a 'good' man and would be a good father, however, that “special something” was missing.
As the wedding date neared, my trepidation regarding the pending wedding and marriage grew, and yet I'd intentionally ignored the wailing alarms that went off inside my head. I was just experiencing cold feet... wasn't I?
A few days before my wedding, I recall having an open, heart-to-heart chat with a friend of mine, asking her for her opinion on what to do. She told me that I had to do what I felt was right for me, not for anyone else.
In spite of my mounting reservations, and my (shrieking) inner voice telling me not to go through with the wedding (even as I stood together with him at the alter) I went ahead and married this man. He was a 'good' man, after all, and I longed for a good husband who shared my dream of raising a family together.
I walked out on him, a little over a month later.
Along with living with the extreme guilt, shame and self-condemnation of what I had done to this man, I have also been living with the notion that I would probably never find the right man for myself. Convinced that I didn't deserve to have a happy marriage, and had blown my last chance with the last 'good' man I'd ever find, I had eventually resigned myself to the fact that I would most likely never get married again.
I was wrong.
God had other plans for me, and for my life. He had in mind for me someone so incredibly “perfect” for me in every way possible. He was saving this man for me until just the right time. I have never been so amazed at the way God has blessed my life as I am now.
God has indeed shown me that He knew my heart, and wanted to bless me not only what I wanted in a man, but what I needed in a husband. I could not have picked a better husband (and stepfather for my child) as the man that God has brought into my life. Perhaps what amazes me most is that I had given up on finding this such man, two and a half years ago. And yet, I never stopped longing to find him. Now that I'm able to look back, there always seemed to be a subtle reassurance that I'd felt deep in my heart that God had someone wonderful in store for me.
I am happy to announce that I married Mr. Wonderful two months ago. I can't remember ever feeling so blessed.
I had decided to marry a man with whom I'd felt was generally a 'good' man and would be a good father, however, that “special something” was missing.
As the wedding date neared, my trepidation regarding the pending wedding and marriage grew, and yet I'd intentionally ignored the wailing alarms that went off inside my head. I was just experiencing cold feet... wasn't I?
A few days before my wedding, I recall having an open, heart-to-heart chat with a friend of mine, asking her for her opinion on what to do. She told me that I had to do what I felt was right for me, not for anyone else.
In spite of my mounting reservations, and my (shrieking) inner voice telling me not to go through with the wedding (even as I stood together with him at the alter) I went ahead and married this man. He was a 'good' man, after all, and I longed for a good husband who shared my dream of raising a family together.
I walked out on him, a little over a month later.
Along with living with the extreme guilt, shame and self-condemnation of what I had done to this man, I have also been living with the notion that I would probably never find the right man for myself. Convinced that I didn't deserve to have a happy marriage, and had blown my last chance with the last 'good' man I'd ever find, I had eventually resigned myself to the fact that I would most likely never get married again.
I was wrong.
God had other plans for me, and for my life. He had in mind for me someone so incredibly “perfect” for me in every way possible. He was saving this man for me until just the right time. I have never been so amazed at the way God has blessed my life as I am now.
God has indeed shown me that He knew my heart, and wanted to bless me not only what I wanted in a man, but what I needed in a husband. I could not have picked a better husband (and stepfather for my child) as the man that God has brought into my life. Perhaps what amazes me most is that I had given up on finding this such man, two and a half years ago. And yet, I never stopped longing to find him. Now that I'm able to look back, there always seemed to be a subtle reassurance that I'd felt deep in my heart that God had someone wonderful in store for me.
I am happy to announce that I married Mr. Wonderful two months ago. I can't remember ever feeling so blessed.
It's never too late for second chances.
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